Phases

I thought love hurt me and changed me for the worse.
No, you hurt me, you who couldnt love.

For a very long time,
I thought it was okay to be emotionless.
I thought that being detached was allowed,
So I blocked out any expectations that gave me hope.
I thought that this could be my reality.

For a very long time,
I fooled myself into believing the uncaring demon was the real me.
I fooled myself into accepting that I was sinister,
As I relished in the joy of being cold.
I fooled myself into living with this reality.

For a very long time,
I believed that I had an ugly heart,
I believed that I was the crudest person alive.
I was a virus that killed mercilessly,
Killed relationships that I treasured.
I believed that this was my reality.

For a very long time,
I became the detached, crude, uncaring person.
I became unaware of how I blew out the fire in me,
I corrupted myself by being the wrong.
I became the reality.

Today,
I do not think of flowers and rainbows,
But I keep my hopes high and expectations higher, I am greedy.
Greedy for happiness.
I do not fool myself into possessing a big heart,
But I poke my nose into unwanted business when I must, I am greedy.
Greedy for giving more than I take.
I do not believe that I can fix what I’ve broken,
But I will mend it and give new purpose to whatever I can, I am greedy.
Greedy to help.
I am greedy not to be loved but to give love.
This is my reality.

I thought love hurt me and changed me for the worse.
No, you hurt me, you who couldnt love.
Sucks ass to be you cause I know how to love and changed myself for the better.

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